You know when you get some good news, and instead of feeling happy like you’re supposed to, you descend into an unexpected grump?
You know when you get a promotion at work, and instead of thinking “Great, well done me,” you think Shit, what if they find out that I can’t do it? What if they find out that I’m a fraud, that I’m not as clever as they think I am, that everyone else is cleverer and more capable? What if I can’t cope, what if I make a mistake?
The fizzy wine has gone back in the fridge, unopened. I’m too full of churning doubt and anxiety to enjoy it. The first task on the list: smile and be pleased about having a new job. I’ve messed that bit up already – failed to live up to expectations.
I think it’s important to have truthful conversations about mental health, which is why I’ve started this one.