The parent I want to be vs the parent I am
I know what I should do when parenting my son. Getting into confrontations and battles just doesn’t work. An argument: yes you are, no I’m not, yes you are… can fly back and forth without getting us anywhere. I need to keep my cool, offer choices and consequences, be consistent.
But in the heat of the moment, sometimes I find it so hard. When it seems that every request is met with defiance, when there’s more whinging than talking, when we’re both repeating ourselves a dozen times. I want a Jaffa cake. Get your shoes on. I want a Jaffa cake. Get your shoes on. I want a Jaffa cake. Get your shoes on. …
Today I asked him to stay still while I put on his socks. I’d done one and he decided he wanted to turn the bedroom light off. I could have, should have, just let him go, turn the light off, and come back for the other sock. Instead, I was so cross. I’m sick of being challenged, ignored, disagreed with. I was going to get that sock on no matter what, and so I did, with his leg pinned tightly under my arm as he tried to twist and wriggle away, giggling constantly as if it was all a big game (which of course to him, it was) while I seethed, livid with rage.
I want to be consistent, to set firm boundaries, to pick my battles, to be loving and supportive. I must try harder.
Such an honest post. Your son may read this one day and be stunned at how human you are.
I hope he will be stunned by how remarkably patient I was, I could have happily chucked him out of the window after the constant whinging this week!
Seriously, he is wonderful so often, but just lately he has the capacity to go on and on and on about something he wants… Soon he’ll be starting nursery and I think it’ll be really good for us both.
I’m just the same and selfishly very relieved to read your post. Theory is great without human frailties like tiredness, impatience and external factors. We’re all doing the best we can and you sound like you’re doing pretty great!
Thank you, it’s always nice to hear that people are in the same boat. It’s funny, isn’t it, we spend 90% of the day being patient and loving and generally excellent, but beat ourselves up about the 10% when we’re grumpy, short-tempered and a bit bloody cross. (Or is it 80:20, or 70:30..?
)
I could have written this post. I so want to be a serene parent, full of patience and understanding. But if I’m lacking sleep or a hundred other reason for being grouchy, I’m a rubbish parent
must do better here too. But at least we recognise that 
Everyone’s parenting pledges are built on shifting sands. I think it’s important to be flexible enough in your own mind to roll with it, otherwise any bad behaviour is compounded by the feeling you’ve let yourself down or your standards slip. Children are humans too and are only malleable to a degree. Keep 0n keeping on.
Good enough parenting. Some days we’re on fire and others we’re borderline satisfactory/pretty lousy but it all evens out in the end. Sadly the bad days always seem to outweigh the amazing times in parent’s heads. No one’s perfect but they would have you believe they are.
Love your honesty and the little pictures.
Health visitor told me to walk off and so something else for myself when I hit an impasse, it works a treat, if I’m not already late…
You’re a fab parent.
You are not alone!!!!
the general view seems to be – it’s perfectly normal, but that doesn’t help at the time.
Thanks for you comment and glad you have enjoyed some time out – it does make such a huge difference. X
Its hard isn’t it – my big thing that isn’t working at the moment is having enough time to let them discover things on their own / do things at their own pace which just doesn’t fit with the rushing around that seems to be the default setting
Good enough is good enough, try and not beat yourself up with perfect